You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
