hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
