So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
