We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
