You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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