I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
