i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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