just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
