Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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