I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
