I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
