yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
