sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
