Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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