hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
