Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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