I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
