Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
