Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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