you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
