He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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