eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
