I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
