I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
