3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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