Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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