I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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