Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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