U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
