I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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