he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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