dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
