Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
