My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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