Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
