just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
