If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
