Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My feet surprised me
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