Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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