I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
