I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
