i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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