ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
