You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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