Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ruined the universe
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
