Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  had another sex dream about alec baldwin...

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  (828): had another sex dream about alec baldwin... http://tfl.nu/qec0
  Replies (32) Good night (1444) Bad night (4492)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.

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  (215): Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/3cxs
  Replies (20) Good night (3223) Bad night (1141)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.

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  (440): I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job. http://tfl.nu/xaqo
  Replies (13) Good night (903) Bad night (2845)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.

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  (270): it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring. http://tfl.nu/qdw6
  Replies (7) Good night (519) Bad night (1264)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can

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  (775): He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can http://tfl.nu/kb09
  Replies (17) Good night (1443) Bad night (847)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.

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  (937): And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars. http://tfl.nu/ldzi
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy

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  (254): The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy http://tfl.nu/x76r
  Replies (1) Good night (357) Bad night (792)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.

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  (514): He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac. http://tfl.nu/t8wx
  Replies (11) Good night (393) Bad night (1403)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?

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  (617): How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism? http://tfl.nu/bpr0
  Replies (10) Good night (824) Bad night (346)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team

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  (813): You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team http://tfl.nu/nq8a
  Replies (6) Good night (719) Bad night (240)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.

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  (386): Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together. http://tfl.nu/96ms
  Replies (3) Good night (686) Bad night (239)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.

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  (727): Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high. http://tfl.nu/hvl4
  Replies (5) Good night (650) Bad night (169)
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  (925): View more from California

  Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.

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  (925): Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer? (1-925): Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty. http://tfl.nu/4pgh
  Replies (2) Good night (296) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  ...it's a 9am class...

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  (602): You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer? (505): ...it's a 9am class... http://tfl.nu/7p5a
  Replies (2) Good night (354) Bad night (134)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf

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  (781): Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf http://tfl.nu/hqdc
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (136)

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