Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (4305) Bad night (630)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.

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  (337): i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar. http://tfl.nu/sm5q
  Replies (25) Good night (6007) Bad night (691)
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  (661): View more from California

  My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss

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  (661): My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss http://tfl.nu/25zw
  Replies (41) Good night (6745) Bad night (891)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He felt like a one man threesome

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  (303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs
  Replies (17) Good night (9132) Bad night (969)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

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  (773): That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin. (804): It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals. http://tfl.nu/mo3g
  Replies (9) Good night (2209) Bad night (588)
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  (595): View more from

  In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.

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  (595): In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today. http://tfl.nu/kbdd
  Replies (8) Good night (1022) Bad night (321)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning

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  (859): I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning http://tfl.nu/m43n
  Replies (9) Good night (633) Bad night (2015)
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  (858): View more from California

  I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.

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  (858): I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out. http://tfl.nu/k2ug
  Replies (7) Good night (487) Bad night (735)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.

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  (434): He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/bcau
  Replies (7) Good night (574) Bad night (718)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.

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  (623): Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff. http://tfl.nu/snvk
  Replies (8) Good night (1351) Bad night (311)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You pole danced in your parka.

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  (443): You pole danced in your parka. http://tfl.nu/lknf
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (267)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.

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  (423): I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire. http://tfl.nu/h7s4
  Replies (2) Good night (608) Bad night (318)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia

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  (248): I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia http://tfl.nu/wvuh
  Replies (3) Good night (260) Bad night (794)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.

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  (701): I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now. http://tfl.nu/69o3
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (251)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My inner pteradactyl is also confused.

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  (585): My inner pteradactyl is also confused. http://tfl.nu/ve6u
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (207)

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