my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.