I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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