Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
