Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day