her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs