my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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