Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
