im about as happy as oj after his trial
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
