im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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