Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
