god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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