Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
