Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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