I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
