We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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