So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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