I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
