im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
