I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
