i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
