I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need moral support for this bender
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize