I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
