i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
