This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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