I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
