He uses pillows to masturbate.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
