Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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