There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm both gender and math confused
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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