She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
