You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
